Life As a Mirror

“As you live deeper in the heart, the mirror gets clearer and cleaner.” ~ Rumi

Not long ago, I was sitting at my window, as I often do when I am in a reflective space, and found myself suddenly bothered by the bit of clutter in my backyard. The trees had shed their final leaves and some debris had blown in from the street. My mind strayed away from the peace I usually feel there, and I felt a strong annoyance at the clutter.

As I thought about adding to my husband’s ever-growing honey-do list, I realized that I had seen the leaves and debris the last time I was at the window. Nothing outside had changed, but I felt different about it. Before, I was not bothered by the blanket of leaves on the ground or the piece of bag that seemed to blend into the trees. I was looking at the same landscape. Nothing had changed outside of the day, yet on this day it was a distraction.

If the landscape was the same, why was I so bothered now? I did not get the answer right away. It came in stages throughout the day. I noticed feeling irritated by small messes in the house from the boys’ playtime. At the studio, I felt the urge to purge and deep clean, even though things were not in disarray. Then it hit me: it is not what I am seeing on the outside, it is what I am feeling on the inside.

What I was seeing was a reflection of how I was feeling: cluttered, distracted, out of place, and out of alignment. It is normal to have seasons where things build up, but when an internal traffic jam forms and we do not take time to clear it, we usually start to see it show up around us and feel bothered by it. We might notice it in people displaying impatient behavior when we are feeling impatient, or in the frustration we feel with someone moving slowly because we have not given ourselves enough time. What we see is often our own state reflected back to us.

There is a teaching that we do not always see life as it is; we see it as we are. This brings to mind the words of James Baldwin: “Whatever you describe to another person is also a revelation of who you are and who you think you are.” His words remind me that what we see “out there” is always connected to what is happening within us, and that some moments are windows, some are mirrors, and many are both.

When I begin to see constant flaws in other people or situations, it is usually a sign that I am judging myself or skipping over an area of my own growth. When nothing seems to work out, it is often a sign that I am not taking the time to get clear and grounded. In those moments, I am usually acting from habit instead of intention.

Life will keep offering us scenes through the “window.” The practice is to pause and ask: What in this view is also a mirror, a reflection of who I am in this moment? What is it showing me about my inner landscape, about what needs care, clearing, or simple acknowledgment?

With love and gratitude,
Dana Andrea

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